I used to think that my generosity in giving people 2nd chances was a good thing. Of course it would be, right? Quickly I noticed this to be more of a liability than a help in the dating scene. More often than I’d like to admit I found myself with women who abused my giving of time, love, and money. It wasn’t until the 3rd or 4th exploitation that I’d man up and stick up for myself, including cutting them my life if needed. Why do we sometimes seem to attract the wrong people? And why is it we continue to fall similar tricks over and over? It wasn’t until my late twenties I came to the realization in fact those 2nd opportunities was, in fact, a positive trait and one of many kindhearted individuals. The problem lied not with giving that additional chance, but who it was beeing given to.
Many of us believe the best in our significant others. They are – especially in the moment – some of the most important people in our lives. After growing up as somewhat of a black sheep, I wouldn’t be where I am today without getting the chance to apologize and prove my merit. We’ve all been there which makes it easy to forgive another. We trust our partners and can’t imagine they’d have anything but out best intentions at heart. It’s easy to give more chances when perhaps it’s small and continuous misconduct. Many of us are wise enough to see direct abuse yet meager, intermittent events (which will range from person to person) can fool even the best of us. Our hope lies in learning to recognize the other person’s intentions and efforts after the fact.
People who deserve a 2nd chance know they need it. They’re able to recognize, admit wrongdoing, and ask for it. Think about when you make a mistake with your friends… You want to fix it. You feel horrible! This is and always will be the same for people who care about each other. And when you want to fix a problem badly enough, you usually do. This means if regret is not actively, aggressively shown then another chance may not have the intended results. What will happen? Typically, it will all end the same as before. And what is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Take heart of this, and the next time a significant other or potential partner does you wrong make sure they (willingly) express their full grief and regret of causing you pain. If they don’t, consider holding off on that 2nd chance.