One of life’s biggest dilemmas seems to be repeating our mistakes. We all have instances in our own lives and even friends who let it actually define them. Who among us hasn’t been dumped/hurt by someone only to give them another chance and **shock!** got dumped/hurt again!? What a pain! What the hell!? Actually, we should have expected it. Why?
Learn some damn respect. Not for others, for yourself. A lack of it is why those mistakes keep coming back to bite us in the ass. While most of us stroll through our days acting like self-respecting adults, the fact is we’re a bit insecure and caring about things we should let slide by the wayside. We all battle against repeating mistakes because of the “complexity” that “no one would understand” when in reality the scenario is quite simple.
Think about this… You start a new job which promises to pay well every other week. You work your butt off the first two weeks, hit goals and learn quickly. After your first two weeks… no paycheck. What the heck? Your boss has a ton of excuses and promises to pay soon, maybe even give a bonus on your next check for the hassle. Firstly, how many of us would bail right now?? Probably a few, specifically those who know their work is worth timely pay and realize they can be employed in a myriad of places. You could say it’s those who place high value on their work. But some of us… we’ll keep on for another two weeks and see what happens. I mean, they said they’ll bonus us for the hassle. Worth the wait, right!?
The next two weeks pass quickly. We kick even more butt, breakeven more company goals. 5pm on Friday comes aaand… paytime! Right? Urgently scuttling to our boss’s office proves of little worth as he notifies us paychecks won’t be coming again because of blah blah blah. This is the moment most of us leave for good, regardless of the excuses. You know your value and the fact it’s been degraded by this employer is nonsense! Even when the boss comes back and offers even more money and a bigger bonus you tell him to go shove it up (somewhere) and walk away without regret.
Why? Self respect. We don’t allow such intolerable behavior in your work life so why then does it feel so hard to have the same respect when it comes to matters of the heart? We’ll tell employers they’re assholes for expecting our continued effort without pay, yet we tell our lovers it’s ok to continually promise something that’s never delivered upon. This just isn’t right.
Simply put, we need more respect and less doubt when it comes to our personal beings. This directly impacts the type of relationship we’ll have. It’s easy when you’re first person to not realize your value. Actually, we tend to be our own worst critics. I struggled with it for years. It led to relationships that kept ending poorly, excuses as to why it wouldn’t happen again, and another chance to someone who didn’t deserve it. And guess what? It happened right over again! It led to not putting myself out there when opportunities I deserved came by; Partly because I was wasting time with someone sub-standard and also that I didn’t think I was worth what I’d always dreamed of. The repetitive nature almost destroyed my self worth and made me think I deserved the actions. I don’t. You don’t.
The answer is simple to know and yet difficult to act upon. Start treating yourself like you’re worthwhile. The only person in this world who will stick up for yourself is you. It’s when you begin doubting that your world begins to crumble. Just as you wouldn’t continue to work without pay, why continue that relationship that constantly under delivers? Why continually believe things will change when history shows they repeat themselves?
Damn it, grow a pair. Have respect for yourself. Stop giving a fuck. Take those things that have been stringing you along and get rid of them once and for all. Move on and demand the next person treats you with every ounce of respect you’ve ever hoped for. You’ll be amazed at the relief.