Dating sucks and I’m not doing it

Health - Ryan McGuire

I’ve been out of the game for a couple years, so when the idea of meeting others seemed OK again it was full of curiosity, if not a little excitement.    I quickly discovered, however, that I was doing things wrong.

My first couple interactions with girls were a big hit to the ego.  Someone I think is worthwhile just ends up not returning my call.   My friend tells me I went for a 2nd date too quickly.   Ok, I guess.

Subsequent attempts didn’t get better.  Meeting people is easy.  The problems seem to be after THEY ask ME to go out again.  Despite my best attempts to be straight forward each of these girls have canceled our dates the day of.  Wtf?

Then I get drunk and find myself having purchased an online dating subscription.  Damn it, drunk me.

That didn’t go much better.  In my limited time I searched through dozens of profiles, sent many unreturned messages, and checked all the ‘likes’ I received.  Only once do I come close to setting up a date and then, already having dealt with a reschedule, a cancellation the day before with no excuse.  Jesus.

So after ranting to friends, I questioned why I was even putting myself through this angst and constant rejection.

In my 20’s I questioned what was wrong with me when I didn’t have a girlfriend.  Why didn’t anyone want me?  Would I ever find my life partner?

In my 30’s I don’t really seem to care.  It’s not that I wouldn’t be interested if something came along, but there is so much time and energy wasted that I could be spending elsewhere.

And so I am.

Our dating game is broken.  After studying all the things to do and say, when and how, with how much fervor or by acting like I don’t give a rat’s ass about them I’ve noticed that yea, some of those things work but… it’s dumb and despite some professional’s statements that yes, it is, but it’s a requirement to succeed… well that just sounds like a challenge and I’m up for those.

I’m taking a 3 month spell of no dates, at all.  When I’m asked I’ll now respond with “Sorry, I don’t do dates until I know you for 90 days.”

This frees me up to, well, date myself.  I’m fucking awesome, so it’s actually exciting.  I’ll be going out with myself, getting drinks, and essentially just spending some quality time alone, with me, the BEST date.


Glowing Greens Mini-Golf

golf01You know what I could use more of? All-age places to hang out and have a blast that are open until a reasonable hour (as in LATE!). You know what else I could use more of? Glowing crap. Glowing Greens provides both of those and in a pretty bad-ass package.

If you’re like me, you’d heard of the glow-in-the-dark put put that’s in town. I swear every couple I know is aware of it at least. Perhaps that lends to me not going on many dates, but it wasn’t until this weekend I had a reason to go visit. I had almost expected a mildly cool but cheesy location that’s a normal mini-golf course that just happens to turn on black lights on the weekend. What I found was something completely different.

A single door, beset by Qdoba and a parking garage, is marked by a skeleton dressed up as a pirate, likely guarding booty if I had to guess. This is good news, because I can get down with both skeletons and pirates. After stepping in and walking down 2 flights of stairs I was essentially standing in a gigantic, pitch black basement with nothing but black light and glowing walls. This… is kind of rad.

golf02The full 18 hole course is surprisingly fun and just challenging enough to make at least one person in your group curse at how much they suck. That’s a great thing when your friend is demoralizing themselves.

The experience is awesome, especially for the conservative $10 cost. Literally everything from the walls, to decorations, to golf balls are glowing in the black light. Skeletons are laughing and heckling at you from the sidelines. Giant boxes are motion activated to scare the crap out of you as you walk by and it lurches and shakes with a devilish growl. Ask me how I know that last one.

Overall, Glowing Greens provides a fantastic experience that’s fun for all ages. Whether you’re going on a date, a trip with the kids, or even wasting an hour hanging out with yourself, this is a great spot.